There is Comfort

Today surprised me. It’s the nineth anniversary of my father’s death and out of the blue I feel like the Empire State Building landed square on my chest. And no, it’s not a cardiac issue. It’s just that I’ve made it through the previous 8 years on this day without such sorrow. Sad remembrance yes, but not to this extent. Oh this is hard and teary. I guess I’ve been so busy taking care of my mother’s feelings and needs that I’ve just not thought about my own. Something inside must have clicked open though, that secret place which will have its say, sometimes unbidden if left closed away too long. So, today I will sit with this and hope it goes away soon. I’ll honor my father and seek comfort for me. I wish the words God spoke to me early on when grief was fresh, to sooth the rawness and renew my hope, would still have the same impact they did back then. It was a real moment of not only clarity, but true sweetness…and I heard the words ring in my heart as well as through my mind when they came. It could not have just been from me, my imagination. I was at such a different place and trying to do so many things for which my responsibilities of course continued. I absolutely knew it was the Lord. And after those words came and embedded themselves, I turned a corner then and moved forward. Until today, I thought it was all *fine*. Maybe if I re-remember them, those simple profound words, it will ease things. God said, “Spring will come again.” And it did. A new “Spring” in my heart, long before the buds began showing on the trees. I haven’t written any poetry in a long time. I feel a poem coming on. It doesn’t sound like any of my usual styles of writings, but we’ll see what happens. Perhaps it might be a blessing for someone.

Nine years ago my father died,
A sad day, but I never cried.
My mother and I through three hard days had stayed by his side.

There couldn’t have been any other way,
It was a blessing God took him that day.
No “getting better” was possible for him,
The thought of more future here would have been terribly grim.

No more debility, no more pain,
Just release into a heavenly plane.
The space he left is too huge to fill,
His own unique place is somehow living still.
Into the early sorrow and empty pain,
God spoke to my heart, saying,:
“Spring will come again….”